For women, the lenses of the world can be far different, colored with different experiences, beliefs and influences.
That’s why this day, International Women’s Day, is so important. It’s a day when women across the world are celebrated no matter what lens they are wearing. But with the cohesion that women bring, with the weight that women shoulder and with the courage and compassion that women around the world dig deep in their souls to find, women like you are changing the world every day.
I’m honored to be here with all of you today. What a blessing!
I’m nervous. Yes, I have over 30 years of experience in communications and doing nonprofit work. I’m the mom of a nearly 23-year old man, but I’m nervous. It’s probably what led me to write out my speech in its entirety for today’s session. It’s not because this was a rush job because doing this is very important to me. In fact, this is the most important thing I do this week. It’s not because I want to ensure every word is perfect. Certainly not because I love to hear myself talk. It’s because I’m nervous. Just nervous as I’ve been every time I speak in front of an audience for the past 53 years.
The only difference is that today I finally made the decision to accept myself for who I am.
You might be thinking what could a woman living in a nice house in a safe town in a country filled with opportunity know about abuse, about violence. But I do. I lived that numb-yourself-til-you-don’t-feel-anything life for a long time. It worked…or so I thought using my unhealthy, battered mind. I stayed in an abusive marriage for several years, for too long. I played damage control, concocted new ways to protect my son, made excuses and accepted empty apologies from someone who was sick because on some level I thought it would work, I thought I didn’t want to offend or insult or make someone else unhappy. Like many women, I am a people pleaser.
I say all this for a reason. But why, you might ask? One of the biggest factors in everything I do is self-esteem, or in my case, the lack thereof. It’s that fragile self-esteem that prevents me from doing some things like writing…yes, I know my profession is writing. Believe me, it makes things challenging sometimes.
But I say to you today that having a fragile self-esteem does not mean you are any less intelligent, compassionate, brave or powerful. It just means that for some, there are many things that block the way of a healthy self-esteem—the cobwebs of the past, the scars that strangle, the negative rhetoric that pervades our world lately.
And to foster or rebuild self-esteem on your own is hard. It’s an uphill battle that sometimes gets put on hold when life gets in the way. But please know that you are not alone, no matter how isolating self-doubt can seem sometimes.
But you deserve better. Whether you are living in Neptune, NJ in the United States, Ebonyi, Nigeria or the barren fields outside of Kampala, Uganda, you all deserve respect. You all deserve opportunity. You all deserve safety. By expecting that respect does not mean you love your family any less or that you’re taking opportunity away from someone else by doing so. But ignorance, which is often the trigger for violence, breeds fear and a reactive state of being. It is everyone’s responsibility to respect differences and protect human rights. And by no means underestimate the power of one person and the impact he or she can make.
In recent months, I have discovered that the word, “empower” has firstly, become diluted because of its overuse; and secondly, with all good intentions, it’s a bit patronizing and implies that you are not already powerful in your own right, that you need to be saved.
But you are already powerful.
I see young people like yourself as wonderful observers who see people for who they are, reserving judgment most of the time. Because of all this, I have a lot of hope for your generation. A lot of hope!
As I read about the numerous examples throughout the world of polarization and violence, I think about how contagious hate is, if the human life is outweighed by power and the authority of being right, and that bandwagon is a ride you don’t want to miss for fear of what might follow.
But isn’t love just as contagious?
Many good people are trying to create pathways to better lives and access to education for others, particularly for the most vulnerable.
I’ve noticed this particularly over the past three years as I’ve been able to connect to some amazing people who live thousands of miles away from me! Along the way, that stretch made my world a little smaller, in a really good way. It made me realize that our similarities were far greater than our differences.
It has been a beautiful thing to watch. And as I look at your beautiful faces reflecting your beautiful minds and souls, I am encouraged that the future indeed looks bright, that I’m confident that there are many young women who will thrive, carrying other women who may need more help along the way.
I also continue to learn from you all. While mentoring last summer to teenagers, my soul was awakened. I recall how one child inspired me to work harder and reach outside my own comfort zone. Here I was, a good 40 years older than him, and I was learning from him? After swallowing a big gulp of pride, it was awesome, to say the least.
I also learned that sharing your story isn’t always easy (I too am guilty of coveting my own story), that the fear of pain can sometimes outweigh the impact it may make on others, that opening our hearts and minds may not always be the best solution for growth. But I have learned that people are struggling in so many different ways. That timing can sometimes be everything and that rejecting the idea that you are a victim can be pretty good for the soul and your ability to move forward. Remember, you are already powerful. You are enough just the way you are right now.
I learned that the life plan needs to be adapted when some things occur, that sometimes a whole different direction needs to be taken.
I learned that I need to listen even more. I’ve always been a pretty good listener, but probably mostly because I didn’t like to speak up; filling the void with quiet time seemed like the safer choice. Now I listen with intention, with compassion, with no agenda. There’s not always an answer. There’s not always a solution. Sometimes people just need to know that they are being heard.
So when you settle down for sleep tonight, my wish for you is peace and love. I also hope you think about how you can communicate with someone new or get to know the people around you a little bit better, even if it just means sharing a few words. I encourage you to step outside your comfort zone. You might be surprised by the courage you have inside you. It is this communication that will help us all facilitate the work we all need to do, and it is communication that will help you realize how powerful you are. I also think it is through this communication that we can foster confidence, respect and bravery in our boys so that they grow up to be valuable and aware citizens who respect women. It has been said that only people who hurt can share hurt. Because this is not just a women’s issue, and this is not just a men’s issue. This is a human issue. It’s about caring for one another and embracing and learning from our differences.
Today is just the start. Change can happen anywhere, anytime. It is time for us to see the world through the lens of many women, recognizing our differences and then embracing them. It is time for us to remove our masks that hide our insecurities and accept our flaws as part of who we are.
You are all powerful right now.
I’ll end with this quote I refer to often in my life. I stumbled upon years ago from Seema Kapoor, an Indian actress: “Everything you desire, crave, need and want is within us. You are your own soulmate and the time you spend in your own solitude, the beauty you find in your laugh lines, the time you take to not smooth those curves, but to love them, is maybe not what you were looking for but something you are blessed to have found.”