Have you ever heard the fable about the woman and the wine jar? As the story goes, a woman, who liked wine, found a wine jug by the road. She hoped it was full but it was not. At least she got good memories through sniffing the jug.
Although this story can have a multitude of interpretations, it always reminds me of the power of our minds and how thinking about something positive or “good,” can be almost as good as the thing itself. When dealing with anxiety, the ability to redirect our thoughts is extremely important towards making oneself begin to feel better.
You see, it’s very simple – when a person suffers from excessive anxiety, the focus is on what COULD happen, which isn’t always the same as what WILL happen. Think about it, isn’t it always easy to imagine the worst of any situation? To be so stuck on what’s going to go wrong you lose sight of any possibility for success? This is how we become paralyzed in our thoughts and trapped into a spiral of negative thinking. “I know I’m going to fail this test.” “”I’m never going to be in a serious relationship.” “No one is going to want to pick me for their team.” These negative thoughts become the mantra we sing to ourselves so often we begin to believe it.
So how do you combat this? Well, think of the fable – even though there was no wine in the jug, the woman’s positive thoughts (her memories) were good enough for her. Even though the mind is a miraculous thing, it still has limitations. One being, you can’t think about negative things and positive things at the same time. Therefore, a good way to challenge growing anxiety and negative thinking is to begin to fill your mind with positive thoughts to combat the negative one.
Don’t focus on what could go wrong, focus on what could go right. Think back to times where you had similar or even harder challenges, and were successful. A positive mindset can lead to positive outcomes. Start using those positive thoughts and memories as the fuel to begin challenging that negative, irrational thought with positive, rational thinking. Asking yourself questions like: What are some clues that your worry will not come true? If your worry does not come true, what will probably happen instead? If your worry does come true, how will you handle it? Will you eventually be okay?
After you answer these questions for yourself, you’ll slowly start to see that your worry will begin to change. Hey, if thinking about positive memories worked for the lady in the story, I’m sure that it can also work for you!
—Arthur Howard, WAGE board member and outpatient therapist at Millhill Child and Family Development