WAGE's Response to Nov. 5, 2024 Election

Following the results of this week’s 2024 election, Women & Girls Education (WAGE) International would like to celebrate the addition of two Black women in Congress, Angela Alsobrooks of Maryland and Lisa Blunt Rochester of Delaware (the first women in the state elected to Congress) and the re-election of Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar. Delaware voters also elected Sarah McBride to an at-large House seat, making her the first out transgender person elevated to Congress. New Jersey also added two more women to its congressional delegation: LaMonica McIver in the 10th Congressional District, and Nellie Pou in the 9th. They join Reps. Bonnie Watson Coleman and Mikie Sherrill--hitting a high mark for the state.

We also celebrate the re-election of WAGE board member Art Howard who continues to be a beacon in his community and a champion of education for all as a member of the Robbinsville (NJ) School Board and assistant superintendent in Holmdel, NJ.

“I will work tirelessly to advocate for our incredible teachers, who are the backbone of our educational system, and to ensure our schools are transparent and fiscally responsible in every decision,” said Howard. “Together, we can continue to make choices that prioritize our most precious natural resource—our students.”

It’s important to recognize these amazing accomplishments. We also hope this will inspire girls to have the courage to follow their paths, or chart their own paths paved with their own hopes and dreams.

WAGE will continue to celebrate the value of human rights and education for women and girls, widen access to education and bolster self-esteem as a means to prevent or end violence and abuse against women and girls. We will continue to reject hateful rhetoric and actions while embracing kindness to others. We will continue to embrace the idea that we are here on earth to build each other up, not tear each other down.

I have never been more aware of what rights we are lucky enough to have than in this past year, working with a young woman from Afghanistan who along with every other woman in that country has no rights. The firsthand horrors I have learned that this brings them make me cry, angers me other times, knowing that to varying degrees this is also happening to so many people in many other countries like Sudan, Uganda, Sierra Leone, just to name a few. But I also know that there are many strong, resilient and compassionate people there too—this gives me hope and strength to keep moving forward. Be the voice for those who have no voice. Remember, your voice is your power and the vehicle to drive forward.

This world is much bigger in so many ways than just one person; happiness looks different for each person. No matter your faith, or lack of faith in a religion, no matter the color of your skin, race, gender, identity, or any other thing that may differentiate us, you deserve to be happy.

If you were born on this soil, then you are privileged, privileged that your ancestors likely abandoned their lives out of desperation because of religious persecution, violence, hunger or other issues to make a better life for their children or others that followed them. For others, the choice was not their own, and the struggle is much harder. Remember that. If you are lucky enough to be on the other side of the fence, embrace that privilege and use that strength to help someone in need instead of spewing out hateful rhetoric that only showers more hate on others and provokes violence. I applaud those not born on American soil who have dug deep in their reserve of courage to create beautiful lives here for themselves and others, who refused to accept the life that their birth afforded them and instead used that power to rechart their journeys and then opened up their arms and hearts to others. WAGE recognizes the need for immigration reform, but this should not be achieved through divisiveness or disregard for human life.

In the wake of this historical election, celebrate your right to vote and every other right as Americans we have, a right that many others do not. Learn more about a different culture, try to accept a different point of view and listen often. Then, let’s get to work. We still have much to do. Over 200 years ago, Benjamin Franklin understood. Despite only having two years of formal education, he read voraciously and stepped outside of himself before acting in everything he did; he was not afraid of admitting failure and reshaping who he was when he saw the need to do so for the greater good. Be humble, dare to dream and be kind to others and yourself.

Violence Against Women in Sudan

By Lauren Landstrom

Recently, I’ve taken an interest in researching more about the harsh reality of the violence taking place against women in Sudan. The violence being inflicted on women is primarily being utilized by the Rapid Support Forces (RSF) during the four-month-old internal armed conflict in the Republic of Sudan. In April of 2023, the World Health Organization estimated that more than 3 million Sudanese women and girls were at risk of gender-based violence. This includes intimate-partner violence. Since then, the number has risen to 4.2 million females at risk. Ever since conflicts have begun, there have been reports of conflict-related sexual violence against at least 57 females, including at least 10 young girls. In one sad and shocking case, as many as 20 women were reportedly raped in the same attack. At least 42 cases have been documented just in the capital, Khartoum, and 46 in the Darfur region. These are only the reported cases; many instances tend to go unreported which means that the true number of cases is, without a doubt, significantly higher.

The violence and threats of violence against women have left them with no choice other than to flee their home and seek refuge in neighboring countries. According to the United Nation Human Rights, Office of the High Commissioner, nearly 700,000 refugees have been forced to flee to neighboring countries. However, the risk of sexual violence only increases when women and girls are on the move and seeking safer locations. There is not enough assistance at reception sites, not enough security for these women, and not enough attention being paid to the dangers they wake up and face every day. Amidst the violence, these women are also facing difficulty with access to water, food, and medical care. Thousands of men and women have left their homes in search of a safer location, but also in search of employment opportunities. Because of this, though, women are being left behind and forced to work as tea or food sellers on the streets and making them more vulnerable to violence. The situation is dire, and these women need help.

As if all of this weren’t enough, there’s also a severe lack of health services available to survivors of sexual violence. Many of the resources have been hampered due to the fighting. There needs to be more medications, medical supplies, dignity kits, and Post-Exposure Prophylaxis kits to prevent HIV transmissions for the clinical management of rape. These resources should be available to women in clinics, community-based organizations, and front-line responders, especially for those who cannot access health facilities. To make this possible, the revised Humanitarian Response Plan for Sudan calls for $63 million US dollars to fund prevention response services.

This issue is not being talked about enough, and more attention should be brought to this crisis. However, many women don’t feel safe to speak out about the violence that surrounds them in an intimidating and corrupt environment. Natalia Kanem, the Executive Director of UNFPA (United Nations Population Fund) states, “The use of sexual violence in conflict as a terror tactic is abhorrent and must never be met with impunity for the perpetrators. UNFPA stands by the women and girls of Sudan as they call for justice, and as we lead effort to prevent gender-based violence and provide survivors with medical treatment and counselling. Our work is not done until they have all the support they need.”

It Takes a Village

By Heather Mistretta

It takes a village--trite but true. The African proverb that originated from the Nigerian Igbo culture, meaning ‘Oran a azu nwa’, reflects the emphasis African cultures place on family and community. Sometimes it’s also shared as “One knee does not bring up a child” in Sukuma or “One hand does not nurse a child” in Swahili.

Our stretch over the past few years into other parts of the world like Africa in countries like South Africa, Nigeria, Uganda, Zambia, South Sudan and Tanzania has made our world a little smaller, in a really good way. It made us realize that our similarities were far greater than our differences. We all have the same basic needs.

In spite of the self-doubt that can be suffocating, I personally finally made the decision to accept myself for who I am. And this is what WAGE wants every girl and boy to do too, to know they are enough right now.

I say all this for a reason. One of the biggest factors in everything we do is self-esteem. For me, it’s that fragile self-esteem that prevents me from doing some things like writing…yes, I know my profession is writing. Believe me, it makes things challenging sometimes.

Having a fragile self-esteem does not mean you are any less intelligent, compassionate, brave or powerful. It just means that for some, there are many things that block the way of a healthy self-esteem—the cobwebs of the past, the scars that strangle, the negative rhetoric that pervades our world lately.

And to foster or rebuild self-esteem on your own is hard. It’s an uphill battle that sometimes gets put on hold when life gets in the way. But please know that you are not alone, no matter how isolating self-doubt can seem sometimes. You all matter.

Mentoring can in part help us achieve that. Some people ask but why girls AND boys? It is everyone’s responsibility to respect differences and protect human rights. Stronger women equal a stronger community—there are tons of examples of this. An estimated 1.3 million are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year, affecting low- and lower-middle-income countries and regions at a much higher rate. One in four girls aged 15–19 (24%) has experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner. Boys who witness violence are twice as likely to abuse their partners and children as adults.

Some of the lives of the kids we mentor or support financially are teetering on the precipice between success and doom. They’re dealing with things that no child should ever have to face. Some of them are evident; others are masked by silence, despondence or an arrogant or misguided skillset of survival skills.

I don’t know violence in the streets and abuse at the hands of those who brought them into this life, but I do know what abuse from someone who says they love you feels like. It’s that bruise that’s sometimes invisible but still hurts when you put pressure or a light on it.

You see, I lived that numb-yourself-til-you-don’t-feel-anything life for a long time. It worked…or so I thought using an unhealthy mind. I stayed in an abusive marriage for several years, for too long. I played damage control, made excuses, accepted empty apologies from someone who was sick because on some level I thought it would work, I thought I didn’t want to offend or insult or make someone else unhappy. Like many women, I am a people pleaser.

In mentoring, we share stories of civil rights heroes, write together, express ourselves through art and learn more about each other and how we can be kinder to each other and ourselves and the environment. I can remember being shocked by how candid they were about sharing stories of violence, but on another day, they wrote poetry that moved me, or inadvertently showed how they spoke at least two languages.

We also take stereotypes like women are supposed to be kind, nurturing, patient and not too loud, and blow them out of the water. We teach them that they are enough right now, that they have always had the power within. It’s just a matter of finding it and tapping into it.

We teach the kids about people like Dolores Huerta, Malala, bell hooks and local heroes like Siarra Morris, who as a teenager growing up in Asbury Park was shot by a driveby shooter, the target meant for someone else. Today, she is a fierce champion for the rights of others.

It's Braelyn who you saw on this video who soaked up as much as he could during our mentoring sessions and who told me that the book we gave him would be a birthday gift for his mom or Ryan who challenged the promise I had made to all of them that I would only give them assignments that I knew they were capable of doing but never make them complete them if they didn’t want to. I never made Ryan complete a couple projects he pushed back on, but I asked him, so when you have that professor…and I know you’re going to college…or a boss who asks you to do something but says it’s voluntary, you don’t have to do it, what are you going to do? Ryan quickly said, I’m going to do it. I said, yes, you’re going to do it every single time so long as it doesn’t threaten your safety or self-worth. You never want to me known as someone who does the bare minimum, right…And I actually got a small smile from him for the first time.

I have learned a lot. That sharing your story isn’t always easy, that the fear of pain can sometimes outweigh the impact it may make on others, that opening our hearts and minds may not always be the best solution for growth. I learned that people are struggling in so many different ways. That timing really is everything and that rejecting the idea that you are a victim can be pretty good for the soul.

I learned that I need to listen even more. I’ve always been a pretty good listener, but probably mostly because I didn’t like to speak up; filling the void with quiet time seemed like the safer choice. Now I listen with intention, with compassion, with no agenda. There’s not always an answer. There’s not always a solution. Sometimes people just need to know that they are being heard. That validation can go a long way.

I have learned that the life plan often takes a circuitous route and needs to be adapted when some things occur that you weren’t expecting, that sometimes a whole different direction needs to be taken.

In those darkest moments in our lives, it may seem as though there is no way out or it may seem just too scary to travel down that dark path, but those glimmers of hope tucked in the caverns of that dark path can sometimes be enough to guide us into the light and a brighter future.

Through WAGE, we are trying to be the best guides we can be.

But as polarization and violence weighs heavily on our minds and hearts lately, I think about how contagious hate is, if the human life is outweighed by power and the authority of being right, and that bandwagon is a ride you don’t want to miss for fear of what might follow.

But isn’t love just as contagious?

In the face of negativity and hate, there are many good people who are trying to create pathways to better lives and access to education for others, particularly for the most vulnerable.

And as I look at your beautiful faces reflecting your beautiful minds and souls, I am encouraged that the future indeed looks bright, that I’m confident that there are many young women who will thrive, carrying other women who may need more help along the way.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home -- so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. [...] Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world."

At WAGE, it is in these small places that we have hope that we can be part of the growth, one word at a time. In the immortal words of Dolores Huerta, Yes We Can!

Waking Up a Buried History that Gave Way to an Epidemic

I recently read an opinion piece by Henry Louis Gates Jr., someone I have long admired. He addressed the divisive attempts to erase Black history. This is clearly an important topic that racism, politics and privilege have been able to suppress for many years, and anything that works to reject the current dark environment mired in hate working to erase critical race theory and the words of so many important people in our history is a good thing in my book.

It also got me thinking about the plight of women and how many analogies can be drawn and how the governing powers and the all-mighty, starchy literary canon have managed to keep marginalized women and their words buried under the concrete pillar of racism and behind the gates of convention for generations, their voices drowned out by a loud rhetoric whose buzz has numbed a population.

The gatekeepers of language have for so long buried the words of women in the name of the literary canon, that bastion of purported truth that deems which books should be read by students. From generation to generation, this canon dominated by white male writers has been handed down, ignoring those unconventional voices like Stevie Smith, Elizabeth Bowen, Rebecca West, writers of color and those writers who explored subjects outside of the post-Victorian playbook like LGBTQ. Fortunately, I was introduced to these wonderful authors when I took graduate courses in intermodernism, a term coined by Prof. Kristin Bluemel. It opened my eyes and ears!

In the Native American communities, those racist trenches are even deeper for the women living there.

From addictions and domestic abuse to suicide and mental illness, insufficient reparations and holes in the justice system have taken their toll on Native American communities for generations despite efforts from others in the community to emphasize that you are not what happened to you. The pull from the past has proven to be much stronger in far too many cases.

Today, Native women are murdered at a rate 10 times the average, and it is estimated that four out of five have experienced violence in their lifetimes. Many of these women and girls are lured into human trafficking. This crisis of Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women and Girls (MMIWG) has deep roots in colonization and genocide and can be attributed to the lack of legal protections as a result of the systematic erosion of tribal sovereignty stretching back more than 500 years.

There are many people who still try to suppress this truth, or even rip the pages out of history books—literally in some cases, when you consider how books are being taken off shelves. They express racist and homophobic beliefs, would like you to believe there was "nothing here," because if there was “nothing here," then the blood on the hands of their ancestors would not exist, and they could absolve themselves of their complicity.

By erasing Natives from their history, they seek to render them invisible, and they smother their voices as well as the hearts and voices of the children. For the Native American communities, the tears never stopped falling. And those tears have soaked through generations of families.

MMIWG is a movement that advocates for the end of violence against Native women. It also seeks to draw attention to the high rates of disappearances and murders of Native people, particularly women and girls.

It’s everyone’s responsibility to support their efforts.

Yesterday’s children and their legacy, today’s children and the children of the future deserve better. They deserve a choice. They deserve a voice and a place in our history books.

For more information, visit www.niwrc.org/resources/pocket-guide/when-loved-one-goes-missing-understanding-and-responding-crisis-missing-and

--Heather Mistretta

Yes, We…They Can

“You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” – L. Frank Baum’s character, Glinda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz

By Heather Mistretta

As we near the end of our mentoring this summer, I feel gratitude and hope and honestly, I can say, a sigh of relief.  Really. Some of the lives of the kids we mentor are teetering on the precipice between success and doom. They’re dealing with things that no child should ever have to face. Some of them are evident; others are masked by silence, despondence or an arrogant or misguided skillset of survival skills.

I can’t wait to reconnect with these kids on another program, hopefully this fall. But right now, once again for another year, I’m feeling humbled by the fact that the youth we mentored weren’t the only ones who learned something. If only they all realized their power and value and the joy they bring those lucky enough to be around them. Each day at least one of them amazed me with their words or expression through art.

It’s a steep hill some of these kids climb, but I’m hopeful they have the courage, tools and guides to get them to the top or wherever along the hill they choose to reach. There are loose stones along the way, and the climate can get pretty rough at times, but I’m left feeling that many of them will be okay. To those who are obviously suffering and dealing with what might seem like insurmountable challenges, please know there is always someone out there to help you, including me.

I don’t know violence in the streets and abuse at the hands of those who brought them into this life, but I do know what abuse from someone who says they love you feels like. It’s that bruise that’s sometimes invisible but still hurts when you put pressure or a light on it.

I often told the kids that I would only give them something I knew they were capable of doing, and I meant it. I also told them that I would never make them do anything that threatened their self-worth or safety…and I hoped they would do the same for themselves.

Because I needed to honor my promise, I encountered one kid who challenged me on that. He was an awesome smart kid. I never made him do any assignment he didn’t want to do, but I also told him that when he was in college or had a job and a professor or boss who asked him to do something, telling him that it was voluntary, you do that assignment every single time. He totally got it.

You never want to be that someone who does the bare minimum.

So, as I sit here at my computer remembering many moments of mentoring, I’m left feeling like the indomitable Dolores Huerta. “Yes, we can.”

WAGE Response to Affirmative Action Ruling: When “Let-Them-Eat-Cake Obliviousness” Echoed from the Supreme Court Chambers

“We live in a world which respects power above all things. Power, intelligently directed, can lead to more freedom. Unwisely directed, it can be a dreadful, destructive force…World peace and brotherhood are based on a common understanding of the contributions and cultures of all races and creeds.”—Mary McLeod Bethune, an American educator, philanthropist, humanitarian, womanist and civil rights activist who founded the National Council of Negro Women in 1935 among many other things

When Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson uttered these words, in normal circumstances, it might solicit a sigh. But on the sad day of June 29, 2023, which happened to be the same day when 59 years earlier the Civil Rights Act of 1964 passed after an 83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate, two rulings of 6-3 and 6-2 at University of North Carolina and Harvard University were handed down to strike down affirmative action, thereby eclipsing years of progress for equity and building rich, vibrant institutions. In its supposed attempt to adhere to the Constitution, the court effectively overturned the 2003 ruling Grutter v. Bollinger, in which the court said race could be considered as a factor in the admissions process because universities had a compelling interest in maintaining diverse campuses.

WAGE believes that the Supreme Court's decision is deeply disheartening and misguided. Affirmative action was never about providing unearned advantages or handouts, never a zero-sum game as many have been misinformed. It was about recognizing the need for diversity and representation and ensuring that opportunity is open to all. It was an effort to level the playing field and provide a fair chance for individuals who have been excluded and underrepresented in our society. It was about giving institutions of learning a chance to offer the best educational environment possible.

Affirmative action enables college recruiters to find kids who might not otherwise know that the opportunity exists, and not kids just because of the color of their skin but those who deserve to be there because of their academic record.

Our youth battling discrimination and exclusion deserve opportunities and a door open to a thriving future, and institutions need diversity in all facets, including race, so that they can grow and continue to foster growth in all their students. The truth is that everyone benefits from this.

“Honestly, it feels like we are taking a huge step backward in our journey towards equality and social justice,” said WAGE Board Member Art Howard, who is all too familiar with struggle, growing up Black in the projects of Newark, NJ. He has since earned several advanced college degrees.

Their justification for what they did? Both programs violate the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution and are therefore unlawful. And much like placing a bandaid on a hemorrhage, Chief Justice John Roberts further said, “Nothing in this opinion should be construed as prohibiting universities from considering an applicant’s discussion of how race affected his or her life, be it through discrimination, inspiration or otherwise.”

But this ruling will significantly impact People of Color and their ambitions to pursue an education and a promising future.

It’s not about being color blind; as the dissenters said; it’s more like being blind to history, erasing all the work that has been done over the past 100 plus years.

Former first lady Michelle Obama, the first Black woman in that role, said, "It [affirmative action] wasn’t perfect, but there’s no doubt that it helped offer new ladders of opportunity for those who, throughout our history, have too often been denied a chance to show how fast they can climb."

Justice Sonia Sotomayor echoed that sentiment when she said, "The Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment enshrines a guarantee of racial equality. The Court long ago concluded that this guarantee can be enforced through race-conscious means in a society that is not, and has never been, colorblind."

WAGE believes that education is the means to prevent violence and abuse against women and girls in every corner of this world, from the urban areas of New Jersey to the rural areas of Indian reservations to the impoverished neighborhoods of Kampala, Uganda, and everywhere in between.

All the different colors and ethnic backgrounds need to be embraced and celebrated, not ignored and masked by white privilege, those threatened by the progress and a conventional dogma that only gives a voice and vision to a select group.

At WAGE, our eyes are wide open, and we believe that the door leading to a better world should be wide open to all. We will now work even harder to ensure that happens, offering a bigger hand to those in need.

“These rulings stress how important it is to not become complacent because we need to definitely continue the fight for equality and social justice - to make sure America is indeed a place where everyone has an equal chance to thrive and succeed,” said Howard.

Sticking Together this Women's History Month

By Nicole DaSilva

In light of Women’s History Month during March, it is important to recognize the history of women’s rights and how hard women have fought and continue to fight to be respected and treated equally as men.

Women’s History Month should be a time of celebration of all the large and small accomplishments and changes for the better throughout the years.

In 1776, Abigail Adams, the wife of Founding Father John Adams, compromised with John and the rest of Congress to “remember the ladies and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.”

The 1848 Seneca Falls Convention was the first women’s rights convention led by women. At the convention, 68 women and 32 men signed the Declaration of Sentiments, which eventually led to the Nineteenth Amendment to grant women the right to vote.

In 1849, Elizabeth Blackwell became the first woman doctor in the United States. Margaret Sanger opened the first Planned Parenthood/birth control clinic in October 1916. However, birth control was not approved by the Food and Drug Administration until May 1960.

The well-known story of Rosa Parks refusing to sacrifice her bus seat for a white man occurred in December 1955, and it influenced the Civil Rights Movement.

In 1963, President JFK publicized the Equal Pay Act, which made it illegal to have gender-based wage discrimination between men and women who perform the same job.

In 2016, Hillary Clinton was the first woman to ever receive a presidential nomination. In January 2021, Kamala Harris became the first woman and first woman of color vice president of the U.S.

Many women around the globe, specifically in Asia and the Muslim world, still face unfair treatment in 2023 as their countries are ruled by men. For example, girls in Afghanistan typically only attend school for two years at most and Syrian women are killed by gender-based organized crime (ConcernUSA).

In many circumstances, women lack the courage and assertion of Abigail Adams because they adjusted to what they have seen or been told and do not have any other choice. In order to better women’s rights in other parts of the world, the first step includes acknowledging the fact that women are often mistreated and undervalued.

Then, we must increase girls’ education and employment opportunities. For instance, Mukhtar Mai is a woman from Pakistan who was gang raped when she was younger. Rape is highly common in Pakistan, and girls usually turn to suicide as a solution.

However, Mukhtar decided to report the rape and begin building schools in her village. She built Mukhtar Mai School for Girls as well as Mukhtar Mai Women’s Welfare Organization, which is a 24 hour hotline for women and victims of violence.

Sharing such stories can inspire and give hope to other girls to also work towards a positive outcome of a horrible situation. Improving women’s rights and striving to fight for education does not come overnight; however, spreading stories, forming aid organizations, passing laws to protect women, and standing up to violence and bias together is everything needed to reach our end goal.

A Speech given to a Kemak Foundation Summit on the 2023 International Women's Day!

For women, the lenses of the world can be far different, colored with different experiences, beliefs and influences.

That’s why this day, International Women’s Day, is so important. It’s a day when women across the world are celebrated no matter what lens they are wearing. But with the cohesion that women bring, with the weight that women shoulder and with the courage and compassion that women around the world dig deep in their souls to find, women like you are changing the world every day.

I’m honored to be here with all of you today. What a blessing!

I’m nervous. Yes, I have over 30 years of experience in communications and doing nonprofit work. I’m the mom of a nearly 23-year old man, but I’m nervous. It’s probably what led me to write out my speech in its entirety for today’s session. It’s not because this was a rush job because doing this is very important to me. In fact, this is the most important thing I do this week. It’s not because I want to ensure every word is perfect. Certainly not because I love to hear myself talk. It’s because I’m nervous. Just nervous as I’ve been every time I speak in front of an audience for the past 53 years.

The only difference is that today I finally made the decision to accept myself for who I am.

You might be thinking what could a woman living in a nice house in a safe town in a country filled with opportunity know about abuse, about violence. But I do. I lived that numb-yourself-til-you-don’t-feel-anything life for a long time. It worked…or so I thought using my unhealthy, battered mind. I stayed in an abusive marriage for several years, for too long. I played damage control, concocted new ways to protect my son, made excuses and accepted empty apologies from someone who was sick because on some level I thought it would work, I thought I didn’t want to offend or insult or make someone else unhappy. Like many women, I am a people pleaser.

I say all this for a reason. But why, you might ask? One of the biggest factors in everything I do is self-esteem, or in my case, the lack thereof. It’s that fragile self-esteem that prevents me from doing some things like writing…yes, I know my profession is writing. Believe me, it makes things challenging sometimes.

But I say to you today that having a fragile self-esteem does not mean you are any less intelligent, compassionate, brave or powerful. It just means that for some, there are many things that block the way of a healthy self-esteem—the cobwebs of the past, the scars that strangle, the negative rhetoric that pervades our world lately.

And to foster or rebuild self-esteem on your own is hard. It’s an uphill battle that sometimes gets put on hold when life gets in the way. But please know that you are not alone, no matter how isolating self-doubt can seem sometimes.

But you deserve better. Whether you are living in Neptune, NJ in the United States, Ebonyi, Nigeria or the barren fields outside of Kampala, Uganda, you all deserve respect. You all deserve opportunity. You all deserve safety. By expecting that respect does not mean you love your family any less or that you’re taking opportunity away from someone else by doing so. But ignorance, which is often the trigger for violence, breeds fear and a reactive state of being. It is everyone’s responsibility to respect differences and protect human rights. And by no means underestimate the power of one person and the impact he or she can make.

In recent months, I have discovered that the word, “empower” has firstly, become diluted because of its overuse; and secondly, with all good intentions, it’s a bit patronizing and implies that you are not already powerful in your own right, that you need to be saved.

But you are already powerful.

I see young people like yourself as wonderful observers who see people for who they are, reserving judgment most of the time. Because of all this, I have a lot of hope for your generation. A lot of hope!

As I read about the numerous examples throughout the world of polarization and violence, I think about how contagious hate is, if the human life is outweighed by power and the authority of being right, and that bandwagon is a ride you don’t want to miss for fear of what might follow.

But isn’t love just as contagious?

Many good people are trying to create pathways to better lives and access to education for others, particularly for the most vulnerable.

I’ve noticed this particularly over the past three years as I’ve been able to connect to some amazing people who live thousands of miles away from me! Along the way, that stretch made my world a little smaller, in a really good way. It made me realize that our similarities were far greater than our differences.

It has been a beautiful thing to watch. And as I look at your beautiful faces reflecting your beautiful minds and souls, I am encouraged that the future indeed looks bright, that I’m confident that there are many young women who will thrive, carrying other women who may need more help along the way.

I also continue to learn from you all. While mentoring last summer to teenagers, my soul was awakened. I recall how one child inspired me to work harder and reach outside my own comfort zone. Here I was, a good 40 years older than him, and I was learning from him? After swallowing a big gulp of pride, it was awesome, to say the least.

I also learned that sharing your story isn’t always easy (I too am guilty of coveting my own story), that the fear of pain can sometimes outweigh the impact it may make on others, that opening our hearts and minds may not always be the best solution for growth. But I have learned that people are struggling in so many different ways. That timing can sometimes be everything and that rejecting the idea that you are a victim can be pretty good for the soul and your ability to move forward. Remember, you are already powerful. You are enough just the way you are right now.

I learned that the life plan needs to be adapted when some things occur, that sometimes a whole different direction needs to be taken.

I learned that I need to listen even more. I’ve always been a pretty good listener, but probably mostly because I didn’t like to speak up; filling the void with quiet time seemed like the safer choice. Now I listen with intention, with compassion, with no agenda. There’s not always an answer. There’s not always a solution. Sometimes people just need to know that they are being heard.  

So when you settle down for sleep tonight, my wish for you is peace and love. I also hope you think about how you can communicate with someone new or get to know the people around you a little bit better, even if it just means sharing a few words. I encourage you to step outside your comfort zone. You might be surprised by the courage you have inside you. It is this communication that will help us all facilitate the work we all need to do, and it is communication that will help you realize how powerful you are. I also think it is through this communication that we can foster confidence, respect and bravery in our boys so that they grow up to be valuable and aware citizens who respect women. It has been said that only people who hurt can share hurt. Because this is not just a women’s issue, and this is not just a men’s issue. This is a human issue. It’s about caring for one another and embracing and learning from our differences.

Today is just the start. Change can happen anywhere, anytime. It is time for us to see the world through the lens of many women, recognizing our differences and then embracing them. It is time for us to remove our masks that hide our insecurities and accept our flaws as part of who we are.

You are all powerful right now.

I’ll end with this quote I refer to often in my life. I stumbled upon years ago from Seema Kapoor, an Indian actress: “Everything you desire, crave, need and want is within us. You are your own soulmate and the time you spend in your own solitude, the beauty you find in your laugh lines, the time you take to not smooth those curves, but to love them, is maybe not what you were looking for but something you are blessed to have found.”

Perfection is Unattainable: A mantra for our children

By Heather Mistretta

Best, most, more and other superlatives run rampant across the internet. Every day we are walloped with swaths of messages of how and why we need to follow certain paths while screams of self-adulation and comparisons dance in our heads and all around us.

We’re told that if we just follow five easy steps or try a new product that can be bought with just one click, that we will be more beautiful, smarter and more successful. We’re even given examples of people who are at the pinnacle of all these…or at least that’s what we’re told or inferred through images…ad nauseum.

For adults, most of us are able to disseminate this information and weed out what we don’t want or see as unrealistic. We can ignore it and resist the urge to internalize it. But for children, who are still growing and easily influenced, battling waves of hormonal changes and finding their places in this chaotic and multifaceted world filled with a rash of opportunities and pitfalls, that deciphering may not be as easy.

Silent abuse

The faces of violence against women and men regularly hit the air waves and pages of print media—faces that shock, scare, sympathize and disgust us. This transparency is of course important as many cultures suppressed this awareness (and some still do) for many years, and instead subjected the victim to ridicule, shame and additional violence.

This correlation between the abused and the abuser is evident, and it is this abuse WAGE is hoping to prevent or end through education, mentoring, fundraising and working with like-minded organizations.

However, one perpetrator of violence and abuse that is also insidious but can be much more silent, one that may be overlooked because of its indirect perpetrators is suicide.

Teenage suicide has been climbing for several years. The CDC reports that from 1999 to 2017, the suicide rate among boys ages 10 to 14 grew from 1.9 suicides per 100,000 people to 3.3. Among girls, suicides roughly tripled from 0.5 per 100,000 to 1.7.

As I hear stories of seemingly normal and happy teens taking their lives, I am left feeling helpless and aching for them and their loved ones, but I am also haunted by this prospect as I watch my 18-year-old son grow and learn how to cope with new challenges and make difficult decisions.

Competition is fierce today, and not just in the classroom. Teens are not only expected to excel in school and have their futures meticulously mapped out, but outside the classroom they are expected to be almost perfect in looks, personality and activity.

This unrealistic expectation is damaging our children. Their self-esteems are being battered, riddled with holes as they attempt to achieve the unreachable, falling short every time. They are left feeling inferior and unfulfilled.

As we try to help guide our children into bright futures, we need to erase perfection from their goal setting and instead encourage them to set smaller, more manageable goals that are achievable. This is contentment, not complacency.

By no means am I suggesting that they should not be encouraged to dream and perhaps set goals that seem lofty at the time, but the idea that perfection is attainable needs to disappear. We need to empower our children into thinking they are already strong enough and beautiful beings now and that the goal should be to enhance all the wonderful things they already are.

I have shared this quote before, but I like it and think it reflects how we need to emphasize to our children that they are beautiful and need to embrace their minds, bodies and souls.

“Everything you desire, crave, need and want is within us. You are your own soulmate and the time you spend in your own solitude, the beauty you find in your laugh lines, the time you take to not smooth those curves, but to love them, is maybe not what you were looking for but something you are blessed to have found.”—Seema Kapoor

Also, here is an article on how we can help those contemplating or facing suicide: https://afsp.org/advice-talking-someone-suicidal-thoughtsfrom-someone-whos-suicidal-thoughts/

To Inspire or To Be Inspired?

By Lenien Jamir

Believe

Believing in yourself can be easier said than done for many. In today’s digital age, one is exposed to “extra-ordinary” people that seem ‘richer’, ‘smarter’, ‘prettier’, or ‘luckier,’ and this could impact one’s self esteem, making it difficult to back yourself and have faith that things will fall into place. Compared to all others, one’s life may seem so much more difficult and challenging. You start questioning why and often; there is no compelling answer.

A lot of people could give better advice on this, but I genuinely do not know the answer and being the pessimist I am, I know such advice will not go through until I convince myself of it first. Yes, I must accept and believe in it first before I even think of its application. Growing up I have learnt that a great strategy is to draw inspiration from peers, mentors, family, and friends. Mind you, these are not those “extra-ordinary” people but are ordinary people who do extraordinary things every day.  Knowing them, I try to convince myself that if they could pull it off, I probably can too and that’s how I push myself.

Coming from Nagaland

To begin with, I am an average indigenous girl from a middle-class family in a tucked away part of India that not many (including Indians) really know much about and who somehow made it all the way to the United States on a full ride. Ethnically, I belong to the Ao Naga tribe from a small landlocked mountainous state called Nagaland. If you look at the map, you will notice that Nagaland is to the east of Nepal, Bhutan and Bangladesh and borders with Myanmar on the west. That’s the reason I look different.

Education, Tennis and Quitting

Two huge concepts about my life are education and tennis, and they essentially describe my life here in the U.S. too. My parents wanted me to play a sport and be athletic, and that’s how I started playing tennis when I was six-years old. Thanks to all the support, I enjoyed it (and hated it too sometimes), I got good (won some, lost some), and started to take it seriously. I was and probably will remain a nerd at heart, so while I loved my studies, tennis added greater depth to my personality and taught me so many more life lessons that I hold so dear. Throughout my school years, I played competitive tennis but after the ninth grade, I was weary and wanted to stop. My pessimism - disguised in the form of realism - took over and told myself I should quit while I’m ahead as I was never actually going to be able to do something of value with tennis. So, I quit. Yes, I gave it all up.

Being Realistic and Falling on Family

I missed tennis, but I couldn’t get myself to start playing again without a “realistic” purpose or goal. I was leaving high school and looking for colleges now and this made me realize that there were opportunities to study abroad through tennis. As a teenager, I was always into western culture (mainly through music) and I always dreamt of experiencing life in the western world. But realistically (I know, here’s that word again – it’s my favorite word), I knew it was expensive and beyond our family’s reach, and that’s when I started to seriously consider college tennis. Fortunately, my parents (and sister) have always supported and pushed me to be my best self, and that is important. Their support not only backed my aspirations but helped me focus on my ambitious plans, and so in order to help me chase my dream of playing college tennis in the U.S., they decided to translocate me to a tennis academy in a city more than 2,000 miles away.

Independence, responsibility and perseverance

I had never been away from home, and so it was a confusing transition, especially in a country like India where each state is almost a whole new country. Being in a new place was not the only challenge; the climate was completely different; the food was worlds apart and the cultural habits were alien to me. However, this move was amongst the most pivotal decision of my life too. Being away taught me to be independent and helped me mature as a person. I also had to deal with all the social anxiety of not just being an 18-year-old but to also carry the pressure of my entire future depending on whether I could execute near-perfect control over a little green ball in the court. It was during these two years that I also competed in most of the International Tennis Federation tournaments across Asia and Africa. While all this may sound dramatic, it really wasn’t at the time.

As an independent young adult, I had only two options now. To make it and be happy or to fail. The failure part was scary as that would mean I would have successfully wasted three years of an extremely crucial period of my life, wasted a lot of my parents’ money and fallen miles behind my peers. I will not lie; I did think of giving up a few times, deciding to cut my losses and go back home and focus on my academics (which I was good at), but I never followed through. I knew I had a responsibility, not only to my parents but to myself, and the onus was on me to persist and persevere.

Keep the Faith and Be Thankful

I had to keep my faith and believe in myself. Talking with my friends about their struggles really inspired me, but most importantly, I saw the belief and faith that my family had in me. When I didn’t believe in myself, I drew hope from theirs. It was the tough times that forced me to dig deep and find the gratitude within myself. This is important as it is the toughest part; this is where I had to allow myself to make mistakes and fail and be proud of myself for not giving up.

The Reward

After a tough two years of hard training, research for institutions in U.S., appearing for the SATs and the applications (to countless colleges), and numerous offers, I finally chose Monmouth University, NJ and am now in the Monmouth Hawks women’s tennis team. I was ecstatic to get a full ride to an American institution. I had made history in some ways as the first Naga girl to receive an athletic scholarship. My parents were proud and so was my community. Most importantly, I felt a sense of fulfilment and accomplishment that made it worth every drop of sweat and tears spend over the years.

Inspire and Be Inspired

I have a long way to go, but if there’s one thing that has really helped me throughout my teenage years, it is to find inspiration in small things--be it listening to songs and feeling the wind on your face, seeing your peers struggle and succeed, seeing plants bloom or birds fly, or the anecdotes from your mentors, be inspired. Writing this blog entry (by the way, this is my first ever blog) by itself is really inspiring me, and if there is one thing, I would like anyone to take away from my story, it is this. If I - an indigenous Ao Naga girl from an extreme underdeveloped corner of India - could do it, trust me, so can you. And ‘it’ could mean anything! Finishing school, learning a new language, changing your environment, striving to have a better life, connecting with yourself, or even just simply not giving up. I believe that we must all live not just to be inspired but to inspire as well. I hope I did.